Previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
You emerge from a path. It looks like a boulder-strewn pasture. Sheep graze in the pasture,
tended by a pair of cyclops. The cyclops continue towards you and scoops up a small
boulder from the ground and heaves the boulder 100 feet. Both cyclops then turn and face you.
You go pick up boulder, throw farther, and then you pass.
So I've got it in my hands and then I put it over my head and hop like a step and a half forward
and give it the old heave-ho towards Thaddeus. You did it puny people!
We did it! Yay! So what ways to the tower? You got to go that way, but wait, but wait,
hold on. One of the cyclops goes and picks up another boulder and smashes it down on top
of the rock that you just threw. He reaches down into the rubble and hands you a topaz gemstone.
You can go now I guess. You end up back in the sundial room with the sundial shadows
still pointing to A and C. The head you see a bubbling fountain. Large bright flowers
grow in the hedges on both sides of the fountain and each blossom shimmering in the light.
Guys it's so pretty in here. Makes me think it's probably poison. You're so cynical.
If only we had people that knew nature. Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons. We are a D&D
fifth edition actual play podcast and I'm your dungeon master Russ More and with me today
is Amy More. Yeah I am. Hot stuff Amy More. That's what they call me now and I play Thea
Amastasia. And also Carla Johnson. I didn't know we were coming up with sassy nicknames.
I don't have one. Chickletteeth is mine. It's not sexy but it is accurate.
I play new Laura Moonbrook. I have big teeth guys. I have big teeth that's what I'm saying.
And Tom Laird. The Bearded Wonder. Sure. That's accurate. And I play Flint Firebeard.
Wow what a trio we have. Hot stuff. Chickletteeth and The Bearded Wonder.
I don't know why it took us three years to come up with a good name for our truth.
We're excellent at this. We didn't either. We did not come. I forced Spencer to come up with
the names. That's true. You fucking sideswiped him out of nowhere and forced him to do our
dirty work for us. That was amazing. How's it going guys? It's going really good. So good.
Off to a good start I think. Yeah for more of this good start. More of Chickletteeth and Hot
Stuff and Bearded Wonder. And if you like the show. Like what you're hearing. I don't know
why you would. You can get more of it over on Patreon.com slash dumb dragoncast. Which I mean
if you want more. I mean we've been we've upped ourselves to weekly podcasts. So
I mean. Hey wait no come back. Where are you going? No wait I'm sorry. Russ they've already
dragged the file over to the trash can. It's too late. Patreon.com is where we live slash dumb
dragoncast. And over there we have some pretty amazing stuff. Like extra bonus monthly episodes.
That's how you say that. Yep extra monthly bonus episodes. Where we don't only play D&D.
Because there's a lot of D&D out there. Which we I mean I think we do it pretty
good. A little bit. We do it okay. We have fun. We have a good time. We try our best. But you
know there's often a need to see how other game systems work. And if you want to see how other
game systems shouldn't be run. Perhaps you come listen to our Fatecore game. Let us teach you
not how to play Fate. Let us show you what Fatecore isn't. We try really hard. Hey we're
having a great time. It is super fun so far. We're telling a great story. So it's more of a story
thing going on over there with the occasional roll a dice. I don't think I've rolled a dice
yet in that game. I don't think you have. It is just. You've been on like conference calls
and shit. I know. Roll to see if the internet connection works. It's some fun. It is a fun
collaborative storytelling exercise and I love it. Honestly I think it's great even if it's not
Fate. Oh yeah same here. I'm liking the way it's going. It's very fun. So we have that going on
monthly. We just last week released our first episode one. We did two previous episodes here
on 0.5 because again it takes us a while to kind of get things rolling. And then even
though we had two episodes previously to learn the rules and set it all up. We did not use them.
You'll notice for episode one. Yeah. We're underselling it. It's great.
You'll love it. It's very good. I think our character work is lovely. If it is.
Fuck it guys. Let's play D&D. D&D. What? Why isn't that a thing? Is that a meme?
Celine D&D. I think it should be. So previously you guys met some cyclopses.
They were super nice. They were not mean. They were pretty good. We did some amazing throwing.
We tried some innovative solutions. We did. We tried science you guys. And we didn't do well
at science but that's okay because then we had magic and that worked better. I love that in
this mystical game. In this world where magic and mystical creatures exist. We're like Tom's
like, we're going to build a fucking simple machine. There's going to be a fulcrum. We've
got some leverage. This is going to happen. I thought maybe Russ was doing a whole theme with
this with the maze and it was going to be a different simple machine for each one.
And I can't remember what any of them are except screw was the only other one I could
remember. Okay, good. So we've got three. We're going to screw in one of these rooms.
There we go. We'll leave. So we got a topaz after we threw a rock. And then we went back into A
thinking maybe it'll change a shadow but we've walked into a beautiful botanical garden.
So yeah ahead of you, you see, I'll just reiterate here, a bubbling fountain filling
the pathway. Amazing. That's excellent Foley work. Thank you. Large bright flowers grow on the hedges
on both sides of the fountain. There are seven on each side, 14 flowers in total, each blossom
shimmering in the light. The air smells particularly fresh and sweet here. And as you
have stepped forward to inspect them, you notice that it gets its shimmer from a pearl set into
each of the flowers. Can I do anything about these flowers? Yeah, sorry, Carla. No, I was
just gonna say the same thing. Like, can I do a nature check or I mean flower check?
I'd like to roll for flower for flower. 16 not amazing, but eight.
But see I rolled for garden and you rolled for flower so I don't know.
Amy, a flower eats you. You're dead. Yeah, I mean you're inspecting them. So we know they're
flowers. 16 isn't terrible. Flint and Thea know they're flowers. Thaddeus is also like, yep, flowers.
Nularaaaa and Flamikins, however, they don't know the specific flower. Like it looks like a weird
kind of flower. It reminds you of some sort of carnivorous type flower that you would have seen
in the in the natural world. Not in a fuck them up pocket dimension or whatever you said
it was last time. Yeah, something like that. Fuck with us. Do these kind of look like
Venus fly traps? Or more flowery? More flowery. How big is the flower? Because I'm picturing
something very large, but maybe that's not accurate. Like the actual petals. They're
fairly large. How large would you say? Oh, very big. Russell's holding his hands
approximately 14 inches apart. 14 inches? I don't know, I can't. That's like two feet.
It's true. One of the hands is cut off, so I'm going to say it's closer to about two and a half
feet. I'd say they're probably that two and a half-ish. How big would you say the center
of the flower? And is it hollow? And like inside? Yeah, there's like a pocket within
the center of the flower. Is there liquid? I look, I stay back, but I look. Is there liquid?
Guys, it's really beautiful in here, but I'm getting like a super uneasy feeling.
Yeah, it almost, like the fact that it is beautiful is almost creepier than if it was
creepy. I agree. Hey, Flaming Kens, put your hand in that flower. Not a fucking chance.
Is there anything on the ground? Like is there any like dirt and like is there a pebble? Can
I throw a pebble into one of the flowers? I want to see if it goes. Sure. If not,
I'll throw a penny in because we don't fucking care. You don't have pennies. Pennies don't exist
in coppers. I've got a lot of coppers and the world's going to fucking end, so let's spend
them if you got them. You can't take that in advance of the inevitable rise of Tiamat.
I'm throwing some fucking coppers in these flowers. I mean, this pathway looks fairly
clean, so if you're going to throw something, it would be something of your own. Okay,
I take out a copper and I like kind of lob it into the middle of one of the flowers
to see if it gives it an old chomp. You toss it up in there and it lands into the pocket in
the center and I mean, there's movement of something landing in the flower, but it doesn't
appear to move of its own volition. Right. I mean, that's not like meat, so it probably
isn't even that interesting. It's probably a dumb, probably a waste of a copper, but
it's fine. I'm feeling nihilistic, so it doesn't matter. Can we, are we, so there's seven on each
side. Are we standing kind of at the beginning of them? Like we need to walk past them to
approach the fountain. It's like a hallway of flowers, right? Yeah, that's what I was picturing.
Yeah, exactly. So your pathway is about five feet wide, hedges right up to it, flowers
protruding out a little bit, and then yeah, the fountain about halfway through this, so
what, 20 feet? I tell Guacamole to fly above the hedges, so she's not going to like waddle
through with us. Okay, so she's going above. She's too big. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so sure.
Guacamole flies up and she disappears. Oh no. Guac!
Can you call her back, see if she can hear you out of the pocket dimension?
I screamed Guacamole! You don't hear anything. Oh my god. Oh my god!
Um, should we go back to the, the, the, the sundial room and see if she's in there?
Like if that's like the entrance to all the pocket dimensions?
Because we've only just walked in, right?
That's what we're gonna do. We can't just do nothing. She can't just disappear.
Or I run back out. You guys can stay in there. I run back out.
It takes you about a minute and a half, but you enter back into the same room that you
just left. Um, with them again? Yeah. Son of a bitch! Oh god. Guys!
Okay, we gotta solve this real quick so we can get back there. We can find her.
We're excellent under pressure, so this is no problem. Yes. I take my, um, I take my,
I take my scimitar and I, and I cut one of the flowers off the motherfucking, I'm mad,
off the bush. Uh, it springs out at you and tries to attack you. Oh, it tries. Uh, so you-
Can I go into a rage if I'm not a barbarian? Because I feel like that's where I'm at right
now. Remember when Hedwig dies? Spoiley, Hedwig dies. It's like when someone,
you get that adrenaline and a mom, like, lifts a car off a baby. Yeah, totally. Exactly. You have
that, like, adrenaline rage. I'm gonna fight this flower with the adrenaline of a mom lifting
a car off a baby. Okay, so you gotta roll some initiatives here, ladies and gents. Do I
have to roll initiative? I took first swing. Did I not get any damage? Like, come on.
No one was expecting it. No one was expecting it, so they must just take my damage, yes?
True. I mean, the last time we saw Thea use a sword was so long ago that really no one
was expecting it. Yeah, really no one was expecting it. Okay, so what did you,
what did you hit it with? My scimitar. Okay, now what did, what did you roll?
I'm rolling it again. Oh fuck. That's it. Two. I rerolled it. It was a one the first time.
It was a one the second time. If you put those together, that's a 12.
What? I like it. So roll for initiative. That's math. Roll for initiative. I got a 12.
That is a 20. 26. What order is everybody, so you were last in because you left and had come
back in. I think I probably shoved through to cut a flower. So just like the first flower
you saw? Yeah. Okay, so you attacked one. I'm gonna rage. And what's the order that
everybody else is in? Because it's five feet, so you're basically single file at this point.
Right. I guess Donnie and I can be like at the front. It's fine. I turned. Don't let Donnie
fly. So we'll say you're at the fountain or did you go past the fountain? I thought the
fountain was much further. No, it's about halfway into the room. So about 20 feet at
the 20 foot mark. I guess, well, we hadn't made it to the fountain yet, I don't think
because I think we were literally we were because I had said like, Hey, maybe we should
go look at the fountain. And then guacamole disappeared and all hell broke loose. So
I guess we just waited while Fia ran out and ran back. Sure. Just running for a minute. We
were all just standing there. I was actually kind of concerned that I'd run out and get
back into the sundae room. Maybe guacamole would be in there. Maybe she wouldn't. But
then I would go back into the room and we would be a different room. And now we're split
party and I'm like kicking my own ass. Would have been would have been bad.
I guess I knew Laura and Donnie.
Guys, I'm naturally upset. I am a few feet into the room, like we'll say halfway to the
fountain. Okay. And then we'll say Flamikins Kins is about there and we'll say Thaddeus
walked beyond the fountain. Okay, so this this flower goes to bite you. Okay. With its
flower mouth. Not not you specifically. You bring it. Yeah. Yeah. I'll bite all you
motherfuckers. And it gets a 19. Yeah, whatever. Okay, so that's two D eight. I'm
gonna rip the pearl out of its throat. So that's seven. So that's 10 13 piercing
damage. And if the target is a creature, it must succeed on a DC 15 constitution.
Oh, yeah, this is poison. So so never mind. You don't get poisoned. But keep that in
mind for the rest of you. They also don't get well, I'm resistant. So at least I'll have a
yeah, a shot at it. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. New Laura, you're up first. Is this plant magic?
It's walking. I'm gonna say yes. Well, it's just sprung out from the wall. It's
not necessarily walking. No, it's not. Imagine it like a Bellsprout. Oh, it's not magic.
It's not magic. It's not it's not walking. It's still attached to the edge. It just like
really aggressive flower. Yep. Okay. Well, fine, then I don't have advantage against it.
God. Can you murder anyway for guacamole? I'm gonna try. I'm gonna try my very best
to kill all these beautiful flowers. I am going to attack it with Dragon Slayer.
But I only rolled a 13. But they're plants. They can't be that time. Yeah, it's a plant.
It doesn't have. It's not good. Not good. Oh, wow. Well, I have another attack.
And then that time it'll be a 25. So how about that is that is better.
Yeah. Damn right. It is like barely, but like not even like a thing. So you are attacking.
So are you attacking the plant to the north of you or to the south of I guess to the north.
All right. So you're attacking plant five. Okay. So that is 13 damage. Okay. Then my friend
Donnie. Oh, yeah. Can you breathe fire? He will have to. That's a great question. He's
going to need to roll to see if he can recharge. And he rolled a five. So he's recharged. Perfect.
It's a lot of pews. I know he's pretty excited. So he gonna go with fire breath.
So that's a five foot line 30 feet, I think. Right. Yes. And so I learned last time he just
can they just roll against it, right? Yeah, like he doesn't roll to do it. He just does it.
Yeah. Okay. And then it is 4d10. So they need to. So which sorry, he's like,
is he pointing this at a flower? Or is he pointing it like down the corridor?
Because it's five feet wide, right? So his breath would in theory, encompass.
Yes. But it's a cone. So we'd want to like not hit his friends. So it would kind of depend
where the other folks are. So away from me. So I guess he'd be facing he's with me, but he'd be
facing south. Okay, so the only the only other person there is Thaddeus. And he's on the
other side of the fountain. You're on the east side there on the west side, then south. And
I guess as many as you say he can try and hit is how many sure try and hit because you're okay.
We'll say you can probably hit three. Okay, so they need to do DC 13.
Yes, I believe that is correct. First, they're they're plants. They don't they don't they're
not particularly dexterous. So they take it. Yeah. Oh, my God.
I've never I don't think I've ever rolled four dice before. I did not know what was going to
happen. Got away from me. I'm going to reroll this one because it landed on my lap. The other
ones landed on the table, but seems like a story. That is 10 22 damage. So these three
EFG are going to take some more fire damage than you thought that that breath should have
dealt sweet. I don't think he's going to do anything else because he can't I don't want him
like he's not going to bite it. Like that would be like putting his face on something trying
to bite him like sure like two dogs like when they're play fighting, you know, so he's he's
going to be happy with his wicked fire damage. And that's great. Yeah, Donnie, let's lose his
fire breath and narrowly missing Thaddeus. It's like spicy as the as the plants kind of
let a planty shriek like as they burn and the hedges catch fire. And now it's Flint's turn.
What's kind of in my way if I'm looking down the line, Russ? You've got Thea to your west,
Flamikins Kins to your east. And then you've got a flower on either side,
north or south of you. And then likewise, there are two flowers by Thea two flowers by
Flamikins Kins. So if I was to look down the east and maybe angle a little bit off of who
was it? You said Flamikins Kins that was east of me. Yep. All right. If I was to angle
off of her a little bit but in towards the plants, would I be able to lightning
breath down the line and hit one or two of those? What's the is that five foot
it's the same same one. Yeah. Okay. I'd say you'd probably give her like a heads up to maybe duck
or something. Well, she's like three feet. I guess you're four feet. I mean, I'm not I'm
almost I'm like close to five feet, but not not quite there. So I give her kind of like a
heads up to like get down. She turns and looks and sees the white sparkling lights come
forth from your ma. And what do I got to do? Or you got to do? Can you double check
that in the player's manual? I don't have my player's manual. Yeah. Five foot by 30
foot line. Deck save. Deck save. Sorry about that. Even better. Nothing happens to them.
Well, I mean, no, nothing happens to them. They don't move. Right. I was like, what
they're they're susceptible to fire but immune to lightning. That seems crazy. I mean,
lightning seems pretty hot, but no one can explain magic. It's magic. So I mean,
it's it's unknown. That kind of sounds like science. Hit me with your breath shot.
All right. So it's a two d six plus four. So it's four and six is ten plus four is
fourteen. We'll say with your angle, you're able to hit three. So you hit three. How
much? How many? Fourteen. Is that what I said? Fourteen. Fourteen. Yeah. So it was
a four six and then a four bonus. Breaking a little heart like the one in you.
A very slight singe appears on these these beautiful flowers and it is the flowers.
Don't worry, guys. It's not the damage on the outside that's bad with lightning. It's
the damage on the inside. Yeah. Cooks the inside, right? Yeah. That's how lightning
works, right? Yep. The flowers to the north's turn. So plant two, which is directly in front
of Flint, extends tentacles. And that's oh, that's a crit fail. So it's like
caressing you and you're like, oh, yeah, you're my buddy. Don't hit me with that terrible
lightning with your best shot. Russ, come on, we've been over this. The one as
Flamikins Kins ducks out of the way. One of them goes to bite her with a twenty five.
And that's two to eight plus three piercing damage. Oh, geez. So that's going to be
eight piercing damage and she has to make a saving throw of the constitution variety.
So that's going to be fifty four and a constitution saving throw, which is plus seven.
Yeah, way to go to a solid con. So that's a 19, which passes. So she. I mean, if
a 19 didn't pass, I would have some serious questions about these fucking plants.
Don't let him bite you. That's the thing. So then that one can't reach Nulara.
You are close to number five and it's going to try to tentacle you. That's a 13.
So number five is alive. Number six is going to attack Thaddeus for an 18.
Mr. Rimes with his tentacles and he is going to take 13 damage total and he's medium.
And he is possibly grabbed. Yeah, he's grabbed. He's snappled.
Flammacan's turn. She's like, oh, motherfucker. Flammacan's hurls a bubble of acid towards
the one that's closest to her that just struck her.
And it's 17, 17, 17 acid damage. I'm going to be a goblin sometime.
That was two number. Thea's turn. Finally.
Right. Well, I'm going to produce flame.
That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to flame the shit out of whatever's in front of me.
So you got one to the north, one to the south, then one to the north bit you.
Can you have flame coming out of both hands like both ways?
I think it's just one. I don't know. That's too bad.
But it is 3D8, so that's OK.
You could look like you were spinning around like you were in a John Woo action movie,
but instead of bullets and oozes, it would just be flames.
So it's a 10 foot radius. So how many of these can I hit?
The flame you shed said bright light within 10 feet.
If you're just casting as light, it's 10 feet.
No, I want to attack with the flame. Sorry.
So it's a ranged spell attack.
I can hurl the flame at a creature within 30 feet.
So you got to attack.
23.
Yes, you hit.
OK. Wow, this one went shitty, but the other two went OK.
10 fire damage.
OK, you release your fire right into the mouth of this plant and it goes,
but it's like, fuck you, if plants could speak.
I wish I had more than one attack, you guys.
It's going to dictate whatever character comes next.
Multi attack.
Thaddeus's turn.
Do something fiery. Thaddeus, light it up.
What about like a magic missile situation?
Yeah, magic missile.
Because that's got forced damage and they seem to be
handling like elemental damage pretty easily.
So maybe a different type of damage might be helpful.
Crush them.
OK, that works too.
Yeah, OK, I'm going to.
Do you have music in your headphones?
I wish.
Russ is just like.
He's bebopping, scatting, having a good time.
Yeah, OK, I'm going to cast magic missile and I'm going to throw
all three bolts at the one that attacked Thaddeus.
So that should be.
I'm guessing this is a ranged attack spell.
Magic missile just happens.
Oh, it just happens?
Beautiful spells that just motherfucking hits.
That's even better than I should have got more D4s to roll all these with,
but that's OK.
12 damage to the one that attacked him.
Yeah, OK.
Now it's the plants to the south's turn.
Thea, you get.
Tentacled.
No, I don't.
For a 19.
OK, yeah, I do.
OK, maybe.
Six bludgeoning and three piercing.
Plus you must make Guinness.
You must try to prevent yourself from being grappled.
By its tentacles.
That protrude from the head for eight.
You are just a plant restraint until the grapple ends.
Your heightened emotions aren't working for you.
Unfortunately, they're not.
Neither are my roles.
That is a also a tentacle attack with a 25.
That's going to be 10 bludgeoning for piercing.
Make yourself a strength saving throw.
Can do.
That is a 21.
You are not grappled.
Actually, it's a 25 because I always forget to add the extra bonus to the
actual saving throws and always just add my regular bonus to them.
But you've you've seen behind the DM's curtain.
You can beat it with a 21.
Excellent.
Flamikins Kins on the other hand.
I just need to remember to do things right.
19 with a bite at Flamikins Kins.
That's my whole D&D story.
14.
I just need to remember how to do things right.
Although I have to say, since we had that mechanics episode and I
redid my character sheet, everything is so much easier to see now.
So it's helped very, very helpful.
Me too.
That's good.
So that's 17 piercing damage to Flamikins Kins.
Oh, Flamikins Kins.
How's she doing?
Oh, you know, she's taking a lot of beats down.
So that's 30.
She's down to 34.
She is what's called fourth edition as bloodied.
So that happens.
And then Nularaaaa and Thaddeus.
Yeah, also.
So Nularaaaa, that's going to be a 20 not critical with a bite.
Well, that will do it.
And that's going to be nine piercing.
But you have armor that halves everything.
But only everything.
Oh, right.
I have armor that helps me not take as much damage as well.
Guys.
Everything.
See, I remember to play properly.
Yeah, but only if I use it.
Are you not wearing your armor?
You can use it as an action to make yourself immune
to nonmagical damage for 10 minutes
or until you're no longer wearing the armor.
Yeah, but you're immune to you're not.
OK, yes.
But you take half damage on everything.
I do not have that in my notes.
That's why I never use it because I'm always waiting
for like the big bad because I only have it for 10 minutes.
So I don't want to like blow it on some dumb ass flowers.
Sorry, flowers.
No offense.
You're not the scariest things.
We're fine.
So wait, I'm confused.
Is Russ saying that you have this all of the time
or only in the 10 minutes when you like activate it?
I thought it was only in the 10 minutes.
He's saying all of the time.
I'll take all of the time.
But I thought it was only in the 10 minutes.
Armor of invulnerability.
Yeah, it is.
Once this special action is used.
I hope it's all of the time.
Armor of invul.
I think it was armor of vulnerability, right?
Yeah, no armor of it.
You have resistance.
So you have resistance to non-magical damage
while you wear this armor.
Stop.
Anytime.
Non-magical damage.
You have resistance, which means you take half of everything.
Then additionally, you can use an action to make yourself
immune to non-magical damage for 10 minutes
or until you are no longer wearing the armor.
Once this special.
So any damage you can.
Once you choose, then you no longer take magical damage
for 10 minutes.
Or you can take half damage always as soon as you put that on.
Always, always, always, always.
Now, we haven't had a combat since then, except for.
So she hasn't missed out too much.
I guess the the chule stuff,
you should have been taking half if you took any, but.
I did take some.
Yeah, thank you for reassessing that
because I totally misunderstood.
I thought it was like the 10 minutes and that's it.
Well, the 10 minutes and that's it is immune to non-magical damage.
Yeah, so I can pick like I'm immune to piercing damage.
I just reread it.
It's non-magical damage.
So you always you take half.
You take half because you're resistant.
And then when you say I want to use this ability
or whatever the, you know, banana keyword is.
No, it was a real one for that, I think.
Right.
Was you chose Latin?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
So sorry.
Is the word Latin?
No, I think it's like Contigo or something.
Um, no, that's a water bottle from Costco.
What?
How much damage was I supposed to take?
Like, what was the total?
And then what's my half?
Was it nine?
It was seven plus, uh, seven plus five plus three.
So that's 15.
So you would take eight, seven, six, seven, five, four, two.
We always round down.
Round down.
Okay.
Thaddeus.
Let's see if I can hit Thaddeus.
Yep.
Great.
Sure can.
And that's a 21.
That's a big old chomp at a chomp.
Thaddeus loves it.
Oh, oh, you're supposed.
Sorry.
You got bit.
So you're supposed to make a constitution saving throw.
Oh, to see if I'm grappled.
No, poison, poison, poison.
Because he bit you.
Uh, con.
Yep.
17.
Yep.
You're good.
You're good to be poisoned.
Eight piercing damage and must also make a constitution
saving throw.
Okay.
Hang on here.
All right.
That's eight.
All right.
Con, con, con, con, con.
That is a 14.
Yeah.
So he is what's known in the biz.
As dodging that poison.
Well, he is going to.
So every 24 hours that elapsed, the target must repeat the saving throw,
reducing its hit point maximum by one D 10 on a failure.
The disease cured on a success.
If the target dies, if the disease is reduced to zero hit points.
So basically every 24 hours starting right now, I'm going to roll a D 10.
And until he's cured, his hit point maximum is reduced.
So he reduces that by two.
Whoa.
Don't fail your roles, guys.
Right.
Yep.
Okay.
So those are some plants turns.
And then we're back to the top and plant.
Number one's going to try and attack the again.
Bring it.
Oh yeah.
That's a 11.
Yeah.
All right.
Then it's back to Nulara.
Sweet.
I am going to switch to flame tongue and say movie Caliente.
That's my very best friend.
Donny was like, fuck that fire was amazing.
So good.
Uh, that was only a 15.
Yes, that will hit.
Okay.
Great.
I love it.
Are you taking someone's photo right now?
2G6 plus two.
What's that?
Great.
I love it.
Totally.
Yes.
Work it.
So that really owned the space.
Via Taiga, baby.
So that is seven piercing.
And then nine.
One million fire.
Seven piercing, nine fire.
Second attack.
Yeah.
Okay.
Got it.
Do math faster.
No, it's fine because I rolled a two,
which even with my amazing pluses still will not do it.
I'm sure it was a 13.
13 will not hit.
Okay.
So then Donny's going to try and recharge.
Donny fails to recharge.
Donny's just puffing smoke out of his mouth.
He's got nothing.
He can still take an action.
I know, but his only other thing is bite now
and that he's not going to bite it.
It'll get him.
His face will be all up in his face.
It can't come back at him immediately though.
That's the player's call.
Flint.
Okay.
How close am I to the one that's grappling Thea?
Within five feet.
Okay.
I'm going to go swing my rod of lordly might
that has been turned back from a ladder
with hooks on the end of it to keep that rock in place
into an axe.
And I'm going to-
He is not impressed.
Okay.
I will not attack the one that's-
No, do it.
You're swinging around your rod of lordly might.
I'll like-
I mean, I'm trying to help you out,
but if you're not impressed,
I'll go help someone else.
I am impressed.
It's so lordly.
So very lordly.
All right.
So I'm going to take a big chop down
on the one that's entangled her.
And that is a 28.
Is that going to hit?
Okay.
Just this one is great.
Just that one time?
Okay, perfect.
He is the leader of them all.
Yeah, he's made of concrete.
It's crazy.
Excellent.
The rod shatters.
D10 plus seven is 17.
Nope, 14.
Bad math.
Sorry.
14 damage.
Okay.
Is it still-
Oh my god, is none of these flowers dying?
Is it still holding on strong?
I know, not one has died yet.
Oh my god.
I just broke off a little bit.
It has released the-
Oh, thanks.
Excellent.
I'm going to keep going at that one
and attack it two more times.
Or at least one more time,
because it might die after that one.
Two more times.
That'd be wonderful if it didn't.
So that is a 16.
That will hit.
Perfect.
That is 15 damage.
Nice.
Is it still functioning?
It's still functioning, yeah.
Excellent.
Okay, all right.
Going again.
That's a 23, so that's-
Nope, 27, so that should be fine.
And then I rolled a dice all the way back
that I couldn't see.
We're going to pull it out.
So four and seven is 11 damage.
Just a little surprise for yourself there.
That's fun.
I rolled it under my laptop
and couldn't see the results.
You strike into this plant multiple times
and you're like,
these plants can take a beating.
I have mad respect for these plants.
Mad props to these plants.
And they strike back.
One at Flint with a bite.
That's not going to hit.
Flammikens with a 17.
So yeah, she gets hit again
with a good old bite.
That's 13 more damage.
Fuck, chomp chomp.
Guys, I don't think
we should have pissed off these flowers.
Nularaaaa.
Who did that?
I don't know, but listen,
I'm grief raging.
Thaddeus a 21.
16 does not hit.
Yeah, I figured.
Thaddeus is going to take 15 piercing.
Oh my God, is he dead?
No, he's still hanging on,
but he is, as you would say,
in the biz almost bloody.
It's Flammikens turn
and she's like, oh, fuck, guys.
This doesn't feel very, very good.
Oh God, is this like Infinity War?
No.
Yeah, I don't want to go anywhere.
I feel funny.
And she's like, maybe.
Maybe the pearl is what we need.
And she fires a chaos bolt.
Maybe if we just hit the same one
until it fucking dies
and then take the pearl
and get the fuck out.
She hurls an undulating,
warbling mass of chaotic energy
make these range.
With advantage from her stirring speech.
Oh yeah, with advantage
for a stirring speech
nails that motherfucker.
So that's 14 force damage
at the one that just hit her.
She's like, I know what I just said
and I should have hit the one
that took the biggest beating,
but I'm almost dead.
Somebody help.
She's having some trouble.
And it's Thea's turn.
Thank God.
I'm going to Eldritch Blast
the one that Flint damaged
and I'm going to use all three of my blasts.
Oh.
All three of my beams at that one.
So that's 3D10,
but this is a ranged attack.
So I'm going to actually
have to fucking roll for it.
You got this.
19.
Yes.
Okay.
Yes.
That one, that one, and this one.
And you're shooting them all at one.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, that's good rolling.
So we've got 24.
What type of damage is that?
This is a crackling energy force damage.
This plant is looking to wither a little bit.
Fucking fine.
Just a little bit.
Son of a bitch.
Thaddeus.
All right.
Thaddeus, help me.
Hey there.
It's me, your dungeon master Russ More.
Thank you so much for joining us for episode 50
of Dumbgeons and Dragons,
titled Anyone Bring Pruning Shears?
I'll try and keep this short and sweet
and get back to the action here for you.
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Let's get back to the episode
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Yeah, so Thaddeus is going to cast Mass Healing Word
because, yup.
On himself.
On everyone.
I can cast it up to six creatures of my choice.
So that's everybody that is a friend of ours
that isn't a plant.
No one here is paying $5 to help the plants.
Okay, so yes, I've got to.
I don't think, is this an attack?
Yes, it is.
No, no, it is not.
It's just something you do.
Perfect.
All right.
So that is three and eight is 11.
Everybody gets 11 hit points back.
Thank you.
Yay.
I feel a little better,
but feel like you could have done better.
Thanks.
Thanks, bud.
Wait, hold on.
Let me just keep reading.
Oh, I can cast it at a higher level.
So I'm going to add one more D4 to it.
Okay.
Oh, it's a four.
So 15 points back to everybody.
I knew you had it in you.
That was so good.
Much better.
It's not my usual character.
It's also a magic user.
Oh, guys, let's fuck these.
Fuck these bitches up here.
That's their turn though.
So we're going to go Thea,
the one to the south attacks you for 16.
If it meets, it beats.
That's going to be 12, 15 piercing damage.
I just got 15 back.
If it meets, you're two leaps.
Flint, that's going to be a 22.
Yes, yes, that was the exact reaction I wanted.
That's a 15, 15 piercing damage.
Wow, it's almost like the exact amount of hit points
I just got back.
Flamikins luckily dodges out of the way of this bite
because that's amazing.
She's like, yeah, I feel rejuvenated.
Is there any grappling or anything
we need to be rolling for?
Bites and you've already con saved the poison.
So yeah, we're good, we're good.
Nularaaaa and Thaddeus, that was a weird roll.
Nularaaaa, that's a 22.
So you're going to take five, eight, eight.
Oh, eight.
Wow.
I tried to guess, but I was wrong.
Halfed.
So it halved after the eight, so four?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Nice.
Yeah, yeah.
Thaddeus, that's a 13 against AC.
I can't remember his AC.
His AC is 16, he dodges.
Woo.
All right, back to number one who's withering.
That's a bite at Thea for 20, not critical.
Yeah, that hits.
But he's going to roll a one, so it's okay.
That's 11.
That's two ones.
It's two ones.
You were wrong.
Shut up, John.
Nularaaaa.
Kate.
Oh, man.
I was attacking five, but it's number one
that is like withering.
Yeah, so if you were to move,
you would have a whole bunch of things
trying to stop you from moving.
So if you have any ranged.
Oh, but wait, there's more.
Do you order now?
In the next 15 minutes.
I am fleet of foot.
Okay.
So I can use.
Well, you could also use one of your actions
to disengage too.
So I can use dash as a bonus action on my turn.
Well, dash means you can double your speed,
but you would want to disengage as an action to.
Well, and then she can dash,
but I don't think you need to dash
because we're in a small area.
I see.
Okay, then yeah, I will disengage
as one of my actions.
That's just the one that I was going
to get a bad roll on anyway, guys.
Don't worry about it.
It's fine.
It's totally fine.
So then you like vault over
all your friends in the fountain there.
Yeah, exactly.
I'm imagining her literally vaulting
like over top of like.
Just right over Flint.
I'm doing some flimsy shit.
That's amazing.
Flaming kids crumples like a pile of paper.
Flaming Kins takes one damage.
So that's a 30 on that attack.
Surprisingly, that one misses.
Weird.
God damn it.
It gets stronger as it gets weaker.
You circled so far back around.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, that hits.
So 10 piercing and 12 fire.
So tell me how you destroy after vaulting
over all of your friends
with your flaming sword in hand,
like one handed vaulting,
like knocking their heads down.
I was so inspired by Flaming Kins idea
that New Laura's not really an ideas person.
She just gets on board with other people's ideas.
So I liked Flaming Kins idea to attack the one.
Yeah, so I guess I'm doing like vaulting
over them with flips with my sword on fire,
which seems very dangerous.
It does.
And I probably just like drive it in
because I'm tired.
I did all those flips and stuff.
It's just like.
Just put on a good show.
Yeah, but I'm just I'm beat.
Sure, so you stab in and this flower
goes up in flames and the pearl falls
from it down onto the ground.
Okay, I pick it up and all day long
you have good luck.
All right, so I mean,
you still have like five feet of movement
if you so desired.
So you're right by the entrance
where you jumped to the left.
Oh, I see.
And the step to the right to the right.
Okay, so I oh, I'm by the entrance
where we came in, which okay,
I feel like you're telling me something.
So I guess I'm going to grab it and like
run into the other room with it.
I mean, you don't make it all the way.
You start like five feet into it.
That's what you're doing.
I say guys, I got a I got a pearl.
Flint, you're up.
I disengage.
Oh wait, I guess the thing
I was attacking is dead.
Yeah, there's still there's still three
that you have to get by though.
Okay, can I disengage all three
and just continue on to the other room?
I mean, I have three attacks.
You only need to disengage once
to prevent opportunity attacks.
So yes, you can.
Yes, so I'll disengage
and I'll I guess dash as well
just to just to really hustle on out of there.
Sure.
You're like 10 feet from the entrance,
but yeah, sure.
If you dash.
I'm really I'm like gone
like the flash man.
Yeah, so it's before anybody else's turn.
It's the plants to the north turn.
So actually, Thea doesn't get hit.
Flame McKins could get attacked.
No, 13 that's going to get that's going to hit.
That's 1316 piercing to my goodness.
Donny did.
What did Donny do?
No, Donny didn't do anything.
Tell me what Donny did.
He's perched.
Oh no, he's not on your shoulder anymore.
He's not a tiny boy.
He's like, oh God, he's gonna.
Oh, he recharged.
He recharged.
So he's going to like blast some sweet flame.
All right, he's got Flaming Kins on his way out to.
Well, he's going to avoid all the people.
Okay, because he's good like that.
Yeah, he could even like, you know,
like not fly up over the hedges.
He doesn't do that.
Yeah, definitely doesn't do that.
He could go up a little bit.
So he whatever ones you think he can hit,
they need to.
Yeah, we'll say you can hit.
We'll say he can hit probably three of them on his way out.
Man, these breath weapons are fucking rad, hey?
They're pretty solid.
That's 27 damage.
I have not five damage.
No, yeah.
So that's going to double to those two.
So 52, 54.
So actually, the one that hit hit,
well, retcon that because he should have gone first.
The one that hit Flaming Kins actually withers
and a pearl drops from it as well.
And the other two that he's able to hit aren't dead yet,
but he makes it out.
Yeah, so the one that hit Flaming Kins doesn't actually hit Flaming Kins.
And there's one, oh, Thaddeus is still grappled.
Oh, just like fucking left him.
He didn't get grappled.
He got like that weird disease.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, he got a poison.
But yeah, the one, oh, right, right, right.
So the one that tries to bite him misses.
And then it's Flaming Kins' turn.
She's going to disengage and run like fuck.
She's like, I'm coming, guys.
And she picks up the other pearl on the way by as well.
And then it is Thea's turn.
Thea disengages and runs.
And Thaddeus does the same hopping.
I believe I'll be the judge of what Thaddeus does, Russ.
No, oh, sure, you do.
He stays to fight while everyone else.
No, sorry, Adam.
We killed your character today by.
Yeah, no, he did what Russ said.
Yeah, disengages and runs past dodging Nimbly, the attacking plants.
And you all kind of cluster together for fear of separating and make it back out
and into the sundial room where the shadows are pointed towards
A and C and guacamole.
It's guacamole in there.
I'm ready to burn this whole place down.
We'll be reunited with guacamole when we get out of this
fucking fuck with you shadow dimension or whatever.
Russ is like fucking no emotion stone face.
Whenever Amy talks about guacamole is like super unsettling
because he's trying so hard not to give anything away
because his wife is sitting beside him and will know
it's like giving him the puppy dog eyes to stone face.
I'm upset via just slumps to the ground like a broken woman.
What were the shadows again?
Are they A and C still or still A and C?
Nothing has moved in the tower.
No towers still.
You don't see the tower.
Guys, I don't know.
Like we did we did a again that seemed we got something.
We got that that pearl, but that's a pretty tough one.
I don't know.
Do we just try like D, A plus C equals D, right?
That's math.
Sure.
Whatever.
And we looked at the Sun dial and it's like there's not
like places for gems or anything like that.
It's immovable and there is nothing that appears to fit the gems.
Can we examine the gems a little closer?
Is there maybe anything on them that might help us?
I mean, the first one looks like a garnet gemstone
and the second one just a topaz gemstone.
Like they just look like.
OK, there's just OK.
There's no like carving on them.
That says like welcome to the castle or anything like that.
OK, no, no, they just they're just gemstones.
OK, OK, I don't know, you guys.
Like, do we?
I don't know.
I guess I'm with you, Flint.
Like you have a suggestion.
Let's just go that way because I can't I can't solve the riddle.
I'm not smart enough to do it.
I don't know.
OK, so we've done we've done Path A, we've done Path C, and we've done Path H.
Yeah.
So that leaves us twice.
Yeah, but this time it actually had like a result at the end of it.
It's spelling A, C, Acha.
We should do E.
It will make ache like my heart is aching.
You solved the murder puzzle.
Don't worry.
Hey, does anybody have a healing potion or something?
Maybe I have a healing potion.
Yeah, but that's not all about you.
Oh, yeah, I've got a healing potion.
OK, I'm going to say it's one of those really fucking good ones and roll really well.
Yeah, we got those good ones.
So she probably we've got that good stuff.
I've also got cure wounds I can cast on people if needed.
She's she's guzzling her, her healing, her potion.
I should probably.
Shit, I should probably take a potion, too.
Um, yeah, so we've got we've got B, D, E, F and G
for ones that we haven't been through or gotten a stone from yet.
Well, let's let's think about this.
I mean, the first time it was pointed to A.
Yep.
And we went through A.
Yep.
And we came back here and things changed.
The change is good.
And then it switched to A and C.
And we went.
Do we go through C?
We sure did.
Oh, fuck.
Did we go?
Wait, maybe maybe it's like narrowing in on something.
So you're thinking B?
Maybe.
Split the difference?
Sure.
What do you guys think, B?
Well, I think Flamikins had the right idea about just killing one and getting the pearl.
So I guess she's the brains of the operation now.
Yeah, sure.
All right, Flamikins, we're in your capable hands.
Let's give it a whirl.
I'm going to give the hug teller that we're going to find.
We're going to find.
We're going to get out of this pocket dimension and she'll be there.
What if she was just disintegrated up there?
There's no way.
We're going to get her back.
What if she's in another dimension?
Oh, God.
Hey, I remember that pirate lady or the captain lady.
She was kind of talking about it and because it's or maybe it was the baker.
I don't know.
But like, it's like portal shit, maybe.
So maybe she's just like.
What if she's been portaled somewhere and she's all by herself?
I think we're portaled, man.
Well, I want to be portaled with my owl.
OK, hold on a second.
I'll throw you up.
Oh, yeah.
No, she tries to like throw.
You guys, remember?
Um, this was.
Yeah, it's like something to do with that, yeah.
Veram told us, I think, that the tower is surrounded by a maze.
Magical barricade that forces you through the maze.
The tower disappears if you try to go over it.
Like it's in like a weird force field thing, right?
So she might just be out.
So she's probably just out in the real world instead of in this fucked up.
I have a question.
Portal.
If she's out for 12 hours, will she come back to her Jade Serpentine form with me?
Or is she just going to fall from the sky?
She turns into from the Jade Serpentine form.
So the Jade Serpentine form lands wherever she lands.
Oh, my God.
You guys were on a clock.
So time wise, we were already on a clock.
We were already on the clock.
It's a more important time.
You guys have been in here for less than five minutes.
Yeah, because it's only taking us like 30 to 45 seconds to go down these paths.
And then you're entering combat, which takes only like a few rounds.
Another question.
What do I roll for an uncommon healing potion?
4d4 plus four.
Thanks.
Or 44 plus four.
Your call.
I'll take 44 plus four.
You begin walking down path B, and it takes you a little more than a minute.
And you enter back into the sundial room.
But the shadows have changed.
They are now pointed towards A, D, and F.
Some of the music in today's episode is by Kavin McLeod of Incompetech.Filmmusic.io
and Scott Buckley at ScottBuckley.com.au.
Can you take that from her?
She can't eat that entire bone in this setting.
She can't.
She can't eat that entire bone.
Her ass will explode.
OK, well, take it from her.
I'm recording a podcast here.
Hey, while you're up, would you?
I'm recording.
Because it's funnier this way.
Wait, are we taking a drink break?
Yes, we are.
We planned this so badly.
Is he actually going to get that?
We're the worst.
He is.
OK, well, then I am actually going to get a drink.
I made him take the bone away from the dog, too.
Go, Carla, go.
OK, guys, so.
Can you explain?
You said that it attacked her.
What did it do?
You said it sprung out.
Yeah.
Does it have like little feet?
No.
Is it like a belt?
Hold on.
I got to roll like a bunch of initiatives here.
OK.
Hold on.
There's like a hundred flowers that are going to fucking murder you guys.
I got a lot of rolling to do.
Bring it on.
I'm going to prune these.
That was my request.
Thanks for that voice.
Oh, so many flowers.
Oh, guys, I got a lot of flowers.
I don't know why he turned into Jimmy Stewart.
Jimmy Stewart here.
I'll just blast through the moon there and bring it down to you.
Exactly.
How's that insulting?
It's not at all.
Some very handsome, accomplished actor.
You're welcome for the amazing impression.
Yeah, Russ, geez.
No, we'll save one of the flowers.
That's the only way this is going to make sense.
So are we not going by initiative order?
Yeah, because I rolled a 26.
Oh, right.
You rolled a 26.
Never mind.
Sorry.
Anyway, so we'll do we'll do the Thea because that Jesus Christ Paisley.
Stop digging in my bed.
Good girl.
Stop it.
OK, so this this flower like.
If it wasn't so high up on the levels, I could deal with it.
But Paisley off.
I got to kill them with flowers.
Yeah, come on down.
She's like losing her shit on our bed right now.
I don't know if you can see her.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, there she is.
So she's just got to do that for like 30 seconds and then she'll lay down, right?
No, she's a Boston Terrier.
That's not how that works.
She gets herself into a frenzy and tries to bite somebody.
Perfect.
That's how that works.
Here she comes.
Oh, don't.
She's such a little stinker tonight.
I love it.
Hi, you brought me a toy.
You're so sweet.
Now, wearing the Monster Manual is murder flowers.
You're not going to find it, Tom.
How tall are you in real life?
In real life, I am.
I am five ten.
So just to draw a shocking picture.
I, Carla.
Am four inches taller than Flint, the dwarf.
Yeah, I'm only three.
Double how much like like Tom is double that much taller than me in real life.
Like the difference is double that.
No, you're you're what?
Five two.
So you're six inches taller than.
Are you blue or bronze there?
I thought you said four ten.
No, he's four eight.
Oh, well still.
Note to self, don't get old because Carla will be like, you're just old.
You're just old.
Sorry, you're just old.
I would not say that in this company where I am by far the old.
Just I would only make disparaging remarks about old people in my other D&D game at
the senior center.
Perfect.
Good because if you can't say it to their face, you shouldn't be saying it at all.
Exactly.
You know I say it to them like fucking Edna.
It's a lot of elder abuse.
It's quite uncomfortable.
But you know they're not going to remember it like the next day anyway, so I'm going
to be fine.
Guilt free, guilt free.
My internet just like went bananas and like is closed.
I didn't close everything.
Your internet is closed.
I'm sorry.
Internet is closed today.
My internet closed that.
Oh my God.
I don't even know what's going on.
What is happening?
Can you like task manager it and see if you can get it that way?
This is a Mac.
I don't have task manager.
Whatever that is.
Yeah, Russ.
Bullshit never.
I miss my Mac.
I've never had a Mac.
It's got Pro Tools.
I hate Pro Tools.
Yeah, fuck Pro Tools.
Yeah, take them down.
Right.
Boo.
Boo to them.
I love Roll20 for the free service it provides me, but it also drives me
fucking crazy sometimes.
Maybe we'll shift to a different one.
Sometime.
Okay, sorry.
Please bear with me.
All good.
Hey, it's all good.
It's all good, guys.
Do you want me to hit Thaddeus?
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.